Is anyone reading between the lines in these fuzzy Christmas car commercials? You know…the ones that always have a shiny new car in the driveway wrapped up in a pretty red bow. Meanwhile, inside the perfectly snow-capped middle class suburbia-home sits a bubbly couple playing a strange game of “I know something you don’t know.” Then thank God they put down the cheesy charade and scurry outside to what has “arose such a clatter.” Cut to: “WOW!” he/she replies with an over the top holiday smile that would even make Santa’s lip curl. The hug and blah blah blah. Anyhow, here’s how it would really go down: (cue Christmas song) The happily anxious spouse opens their eyes and…(cue record scratch) The smile turns to jaw clenching anger.
—”WHAT THE F**K!!!?”
—”You…You…You..I cant ____A FU**K**G CAR!!!?”
—”So what your telling me is that for Christmas your gift to me is more debt during a recession?”
(no answer.dead silence. tears flow)
—”Or did you just happen to have Forty large laying around you conveniently forgot about?”
(sobbing now. kids too)
—”DIDNT THINK SO!!!”
—”Thanks a fu****g” lot.
(storms inside and slams the door as the wreath falls off)
Lesson learned: If you are going to _______buuuuuuy me a car. Make sure I have no financial ties to it.
Or the insurance.
Oh. And chip in for gas.